I’m a modern man, a man for the millennium, digital and smoke free; a diversified multi-cultural post-modern deconstructionist politically, anatomically and ecologically incorrect. I’ve been uplinked and downloaded, I’ve been inputted and outsourced, I know the upside of downsizing, I know the downside of upgrading. I’m high-tech low-life, a cutting-edge, state-of-the-art, bi-coastal multi-tasker and i can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond.

I’m new-wave but i’m old-school, and my inner-child is outward bound. I’m a hot-wired, heatseaking, warm-hearted cool customer, voice-activated and bio-degradable. I interface with my database, and my database is in cyberspace, so I’m interactive, I’m hyperactive and from time to time i’m radioactive.

Behind the height ball, ahead to the curve, riding the wave, dodgin’ a bullet and pushing the envelope. I’m on-point, on-task, on-message and off drugs. I’ve got no need for coke and speed, I’ve got no urge to binge and purge. I’m in the moment, on the edge, over the top, but under the radar. A high-concept, low-profile, medium-range, ballistic missionary. A street-wise smart bomb, a topgun bottom feeder. I wear power tise, I tell power lies, I take power naps, and run victory laps. I’m a totally ongoing big-foot, slamdunk rainmaker with a pro-active outreach. A raging workaholic, a working rageaholic, out of rehab and in denial.

I’ve got a personal trainer, a personal shopper, a personal assistant and a personal agenda. You can’t shot me up, you can’t dumb me down, coz I’m tireless and I’m wireless, I’m an alpha-male on beta-blockers. I’m a non-believer and an over-achiever, laid-back but fashion-forward; up-front, down-home, low-rent, high-mainteniance. Super-size, long-lasting, high-defition, fast-active, oven-ready, and built to last. I’m a hands-on, foot-loose, knee-jerk head case, pre-maturely post-traumatic, and I have a love-child that sends me hate mail.

But I’m feeling, I’m caring, I’m healing, i’m sharing, a supportive bonding nurturing primary care-giver. My output is down but my income is up, i take a short position on a long bond, and my revenue stream has its own cash flow. I read junk mail, I eat junk food, I buy junk bonds, I watch trash sports. I’m gender specific capital-intensive user-friendly and lactose-intolerant.

I like rough sex, I like though love, I use the “F” word in my emails, and the software on my hard-drive is hard-core, no soft-porn. I bought a microwave in a minimall, I bought a minivan in a megastore. I eat fast-food in the slow lane. I’m toll-free, bite-sized, ready-to-wear and I come in all sizes. A fully-equipped, factory-authorized, hospital-tested, clinically-proven, scientifically-formulated medical miracle. I’ve been pre-wash, pre-cooked, pre-heated, pre-screened, pre-approved, pre-packaged, post-dated, freeze-dried, double-wrapped, vacuum-packed and, I have an unlimited broadband capacity.

I’m a rude dude, but I’m the real deal. Lean and mean, cocked, locked and ready-to-rock. Rough, tough and hard to bluff. I take it slow, I go with the flow, I ride with the tide, I’ve got glide in my stride. Drivin’ and movin’, sailin’ and spinin’, jiving’ and groovin’, wailin’ and winnin’. I don’t snooze, so I don’t lose. I keep the pedal to the metal and the rubber on the road. I party hearty, and lunch time is crunch time. I’m hangin’ in, there ain’t no doubt, and I’m hangin’ tough, over and out.

Quest’uomo e’ un fottuto genio.